Self Soothing: How Can We Self Soothe in a Healthy way. Part 3
This post is continued from: Self Soothing Part 2
Part 4:
Remember, Self Soothing is a natural instinct to regulate/balance the nervous system. This instinct happens consciously and unconsciously. We can reach for healthy or unhealthy/unsustainable relief. Instead of accessing relief by tuning in and tending to our needs, the goal with unhealthy self soothing is to detach from the mind and body as much as possible in order to find that relief.
What are some unhealthy ways we self sooth?
Avoidance of the situations that cause the stress/emotion
Self Isolation
Disassociating / Compartmentalizing
Mindless scrolling
Binge watching tv/video games
Developing “alters” - (This is a more extreme example of a self-soothing response)
Over Regulating/Needing to be in control
Sex/Drugs/Alcohol
Seeking Unhealthy Connection/Relationships
Putting others down (releasing the energy onto someone else)
Putting self in risky situations
Recreates the trauma we are used to, which feels “safe”/familiar
Part 5:
So, how can we Self Soothe in a healthy way?
We have to start with Self Attunement in order to notice the things that make you feel nourished, safe, easeful, cozy, and comforted. Take note of these things and add them to your tool box; build your resources.
Breath: Our emotions affect our breath and our breath effects our nervous system. Slowing down the breath, being with the exhale, counting each breath to anchor the mind, etc. Breath is free medicine and deeply supportive.
Create the sensation of being enclosed: This creates feelings of safety and security; being “enclosed” envokes foundational feeling of safety (like being in the the womb). Some examples are:
Self Hug
Using a weighted blanket
Right hand on heart or under left arm pit….left hand on right shoulder…and just breathe.
Focus on the calmest part of the body (when emotions are high): I do not recommend mental/intellectual tools during our triggers, our rational brain is off linr It’s moreeffective to focus on SENSATIONS; not thoughts. Instead of trying to calm the mind, tune into the calmest part of the body and just breathe.
Find something soft or warm: Take a hot bath, make a cup of tea, cozy up with a soft blanket, put on those plushy socks. Savor the good sensations.
Tune into the senses: This helps us anchor back into reality. When we are activated or dissociating we are tend to be in patterns or memories of past similar experiences; whether conscious or not. Focusing on the senses helps us to root into the present, supporting us when the mind-body is resorting to the past.
Humming: A simple yet powerful technique. I like to use one or two tones, but humming a song can also be supportive. The humming in the throat stimulates the vagus nerve and also acts as a soothing vibration through the body, helping to relax muscle tension.
Slowing Down in the moment: Slow your Speech / Breathing / Walking / Talking and notice how your body softens.
Get into a safe environment if possible
Take care of basic needs Hydrate, use the toilet, take a shower, eat some food.
Self Compassion: Just like we give to a scared or overwhelmed child. This can be through self talk and inner narratives, but in terms of self soothing, it is more about the quality of action we take towards ourself being one of compassion and gentleness.
Reduce stimulation: Turn the music down a notch, put in noise canceling headphones, turn off the various phone antennas around you, turn off the artificial light, etc.
By no means is this an all encompassing list, it is up to you to start exploring what works for you.
So as you go about your day, I invite you to notice:
What helps you feel a little more at ease and comforted?
What brings you a sense of calm or safety?
Can you offer that to yourself the next time you need some support?
Hopefully these notes can get you started with practicing your own self attunement and in building your ability to support your unique internal landscapes. And remember, it’s a practice, which means we show up each time to try, to develop, to deepen.
Love,
Dani